I suppose at the moment I'm just feeling like I've wasted three years of my life, and now I'm too old to achieve what I want to achieve (which is what exactly?!) But I've been feeling like that since I was fourteen. The fear that I've left things too late has stopped me from trying things for eight years! Imagine what I could have done in eight years! I could have learned to speak french, or how to build my own computer, or how to sing properly.
I'm going to choose not to see my degree as a waste of time that won't lead to a job (because I fucked it up, not because literature degrees are bad or anything) but something I had to do in order to get to the point in life that I'm at now. It wasn't a waste, but a way of crossing out something I used to think was an attractive possibility for me. This may well have happened if I studied journalism, or worked as a runner or lived in italy or whatever else I could have done.
So I'm going to try and move on. No more wasting time and being negative. No more looking to the past and wishing I could change it. By this time next year I'm going to have made some significant steps in moving towards a more positive version of myself.
/the kind of thing i usually write in my diary.